2006-07-07 - 11:31 a.m.

EEK!

I am so wound up. I just found myself pacing the control room like The Rainman. Literally. I was rocking from foot to foot and wringing my hands like I just burned the baby. I’m typing like a chimp. I can’t finish a thought. I forget what I’m doing in the middle of it. Horror of all horrors, I’m easy to cry.

And I think all this crap is branching directly from my stupid, irrational, hillbilly fear of flying. Really, how redneck is it to be afraid to fly? I’ve mentioned my upcoming trip to a few people, searching for positive responses and testimonials about how safe and fun it is to fly. Only the ‘simple folk’ are afraid of planes. I’ve learned not to poll them.

I was really scatter-brained yesterday, so much that I couldn’t function well. That’s a frustrating situation to be in when your job is to be a good communicator, very publicly. I did okay on the air, but off, I couldn’t hold a thought to save my life. I did weird things all day. I felt disconnected and it was tiring. I still feel pretty wonky.

Ah, geez. When people venture into the control room, I find myself talking about being nervous. Immediately. To everyone. I’m such a twit. I’m getting on my own nerves, but I can’t seem to stop myself. That means I’m embarrassing myself, and we can’t have that. Embarrassment is even more intolerable than
fear.

Maybe I ought to just start taking those pills right now.

previous - next