2017-09-01 - 3:38 p.m.

It's Happened

The following is an egotistical essay about my size, shape and self-esteem.

It's happened.

Men are looking at me again.

That seems like not a big deal, but...it is.

Maybe it's got nothing to do with my efforts to become healthier and stronger and take better care of myself. Maybe it's the confidence I'm exuding because these pants fit, or I can see my jawline again, or whatever little victory I am secretly celebrating that shines in my aura or what-have-you. Whatever it is, it causes people's eyes to stay a while instead of brushing right past me as it seems they do when I am not feeling very good about myself.

I've been fat for a LONG time. Like, "camouflage won't work", fat. No denying it, fat. Embarrassing, fat. Fat where, even when you THINK you look good because your clothes are nice and your hair is great and your makeup is flawless...you catch your reflection or see a picture and know..."Nope. Fat."

It's nice to NOT have that happening. Oh,
it's not COMPLETELY resolved; I'm still heinous naked and I'm not sure that'll ever be righted...hahaha...but though I have several pounds yet to go, I've made a big change, turned a corner, made a difference...and it is quite noticeable. And not just to me. :)

My starving ego likes that a whole lot.

So, onward and upward. Encouraged! It's nice. Now I have to just hope that when I slim up to my goal, I won't catch my reflection and think to myself, "Nope. Old."

:D

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