2018-08-11 - 1:38 p.m.

I Dont Have To Do That Just Because You Expect Me To

I said this in my dreams last night, to a fellow I had very much liked and had been flirty with. I was greatly enjoying his company, it seemed, until we got alone together. Then he immediately turned lascivious and gross, forcing himself at first with overly aggressive kissing that was none too enjoyable...and quickly progressing to making it clear that he expected much more from me. The whole enchilada, as it were.

I was grossed out immediately by his attempt at deep kissing, and recognizing that my formerly enjoyable friend had turned into a nasty pig, I put my hands on his shoulders, pushed him backward and calmly said,

"I don't have to do that, just because you expect me to."

This is a phrase I should have used in my real life on several occasions and didn't. As a result of me having avoided saying these words in my real life, I have a number of real-life memories that make me cringe and clench my fists in regret/frustration/rage/embarrassment, and any number of other negative emotions.

I reflected on this earlier today after waking, as I recounted my dream to myself while outside on my porch, intermittently thinking, praying and reading in the morning cool. The phrase struck me as quite profound. So, later, at the first opportunity...I used it. "I don't have to do that, just because you expect me to."

I used this phrase this morning, when my son tried to make me watch another of his funny-to-him-but-not-to-me videos. "No. I'm not watching this. I don't have to do that, just because you expect me to." KABOOM. Over.

I'm going to use this phrase outwardly and inwardly from here on out. Outwardly, when someone makes a request of me that doesn't bring me joy...NO. Just no. If I am not feeling joy at the prospect of whatever it is you're suggesting, it ain't happenin, and if you don't like it, you can poke it far into your pipe, and you can smoke it.

And inwardly, when I am driving myself to do something I shouldn't have to do and really don't want to do. "I don't have to do that, just because you expect me to." I'll say it to MYSELF.

I HAVE said the phrase a time or two in my day, when I SO didn't want to do what was being asked of me that I had no trouble refusing on the spot. Still, based on the periodic involuntary cringes brought on by memory, I haven't used the phrase nearly enough.

From here on out, I'm going to use it EVERY time it is warranted, and I don't think I'm going to have an ounce of trouble doing so.

And another heavy link falls away. :)

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