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2020-12-07 - 9:10 p.m.

Ugh

I'm at capacity today. Not quite critical mass, but I could see me going there. Nothing's particularly wrong, and it hasn't been a bad day. I just feel like...I don't know. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed at people who don't have the sense not to talk my head off. I'm annoyed that I keep giving my money away to other people who need help, as if I have money enough to give, as if I myself am not a person who could use some help. I'm annoyed that there were crumbs on my butter today because people, FULL GROWN PEOPLE, can't seem to not suck. I'm annoyed that someone who is staying in my household, benefitting from my hospitality (because I am... too kind?) ground 3/4 of my entire purchase of bacon into their venison sausage recipe, not for a moment considering that I didn't buy the bacon for that purpose, and that they should take their happy ass to the store and get their OWN bacon if they are feeling Julia Child-y. That person drinks up the coffee, too...and uses plenty of my detergent. That person leaves cigarette butts piled up disgustingly outside my home in containers. That person is not self-aware enough to not stay DA FUQ off my nerves, and since I, in an ill-advised fit of warmth (giving myself away, giveitawaygiveitawaygiveitawaynow), invited that person to hang through the holidays so they wouldn't feel left out or rejected at The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, I can't even complain, because the last thing I'm gong to do is make them feel bad or renege on my warm offer, which I totally meant, but am feeling...annoyed by. I'm annoyed that I offer and then secretly feel annoyed. Who does that??? I'm annoyed at people who can't harp enough about their "mental illllnessssss" so they can go on about "how proud of themselves they are" for "drinking a glass of water today" or "rolling over in bed" and I just want to kick their ass. I didn't want to swing the world today but I by golly did it and then I cleaned the kitchen, but you don't see me up here congratulating myself for successfully cutting a fart, do you, you insufferable ATTENTION WHOOOOOOOOORE??? Nobody cares about your weird lovelife either, champion. SHUT IT, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! I'm sick of people and their labeling systems with which they excuse themselves from trying. Ahfuuuuuuck, Ahhyoooooooooou.

I'm annoyed that Jim looks at Pam in a way I told myself I don't care about anymore and it made my EYES WELL UP and that's just some bullshit. I'm not supposed to care about that. I don't care about that.

Ugh.


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