2004-05-03 - 6:27 p.m.

Booger Check

I stayed home sick from my radio job today, but I was still forced out of my house because I had to cut a commercial for my afternoon Boss, whom we'll call...Glenn. I was hostile about having to leave, but he was gonna pay me today, so...off I went.

After doing the ad, I took the check that was left for me on the copy stand. At my very first glance, I coudln't help but notice that there was a big ass, seven-pound-nine-ounce booger pasted across it. It was huge. A Frankenbooger. It was as big as a dime, and how the guy who paid me didn't notice this ginormous crunchberry on my check, I don't know. So I pointed it out. I said, "Hey, I didn't know I was getting a bonus!" and he said, "Bonus? What are you talking about?" so I said, "Why, this huge booger you've included here on this check. I certainly didn't know I was earning THAT." Then I laughed my face off.

He didn't laugh. He instead hastily blamed the large and unsightly plug on one of his children, folded the check and gave it to me AGAIN. I would have preferred a new check, but I was in a hurry so I left with it and went...to the bank.

On my way it occurred to me that I was about to slide this teller a check with a milk-dud size piece of nostril toffee on it, and didn't know which was best: play it off as though I didn't SEE the giant slab of sinus, or try to explain it to the teller. Being the open and honest person I am, (and wanting her to know that the thing wasn't MINE) I opted to tell the teller the deal...and she was appalled. I believe she got physically ill when she peeled open that check and saw Jabba the Hut smeared across it. She was horrified. I TOLD her it wasn't mine, but I think she was still holding me responsible. My kid was loudly asking for a lollipop. I told her I didn't think we'd be getting one today. The teller says, "Here's a lollipop for your daughter. Would you like one, too?" and I says, "It depends. You gonna put a booger on it?"

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