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2007-09-24 - 8:08 a.m.

FALL MAKES ME WANT TO VIOLATE CHICKENS


Yesterday was a delightful day loaded with domestic bliss. It was the first day of Autumn and my house was in order. I baked a chicken. Life was good.

Now it's Monday, and life's STILL good. I've got some guilt, however. I've got guilt, a half cup of English breakfast tea, and 11 minutes till I have to go make myself beautiful, so let me share the guilt.

My son made excellent grades, and he reached this pinnacle of greatness in part due to his desire for what we call a "hooky day". Each report card full of good grades earns him one, he begged me to let it be today, and I caved. Meanwhile my little one had a genuine issue last night that prevented her from getting to sleep on time. It was only an hour's difference, but she was so sleepy it seemed this morning. She didn't really come 'round till halfway through her waffles...poor little Bee. I felt awful for letting the fat cat snooze while little-bit, who ALSO got great grades (haven't seen them yet, but she's an ace) schlepped around with her tiny eyes half shut. She woke up eventually, got bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as usual, and bounded, laughing, off to board her happy school bus...but I still feel like a heel. She can't stay home unless I stay home, see, and I can't stay home. I was born with a bag of guilt bigger than a hippo's head. I carry it constantly and bust it out at every opportunity.

Yesterday I stole some rosemary from mom's neighbor's plant, and I rubbed down an unsuspecting chicken with it. Then I violated him with both an apple and an onion. Warning, OBF: you're next. Muahahahaha.

1/3 cup of tea and two minutes.

I read that Stephen Hawking's current wife beats his tiny ass. She's a big burly red-head who screams expletives and talks down to him. He won't admit she does it and refuses help, and his whole family is upset. She's broken his wrist, split his lip, and last August left him outside for an extended period to be terribly burned and suffer a heatstroke. She needs her big hairy ass kicked. All this is old news, but I just discovered it and it appalls me.

Well. THAT was random! Here's a picture, also random. D.L. Hugley came to the station one day and I was uglier than a mud fence that morning and consequently in this picture so I did a little "paint" photo editing. I call it, "D.L. Hugley meets I.R. Fugley". Enjoy.


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