2006-05-17 - 12:36 p.m.

I DID IT AGAIN

Sometimes I say the wrong thing and ruin my mother�s entire day. That�s not my goal going in, but as soon as the fatal words leave my mouth, I�m kicking myself. I KNOW my mother. I know better than to do that after all this time, and I know EXACTLY what sets her off. Yet.

Just now, I said �the cat�s ass�. The context isn�t necessary. The simple fact that there are a hundred ways around saying the word �ass� is all that matters here. I failed miserably.

Mom called in a great mood. She�s into another sales dealie involving getting freakishly rich in an incredibly short amount of time, and she�s beside herself with excitement. Of course it�s the best product in the universe and, being a consummate salesperson, Mom is excited about her prospects and will most likely do very well.

Mom called to explain why I hadn�t heard from her in the past few days, and to tell me of her latest recruitment conquests�and somewhere during this cheery chat I said �the cat�s ass�. I may has well have whacked her on the snout with a rolled up newspaper.
The result was instantaneous; the changing of the tide palpably felt. She�d just puffed the exploding cigar of failure, in enduring again the dirty mouth of her black sheep daughter. Her happy tale was instantly derailed and her joy reduced to ash, along with her feeble hopes that I had somehow magically improved.

Thank god for her new business obligation�her phone beeped and she had to go pursue greatness instead of reminding me that I�m an energy-draining asshat.

I�m sure she�ll get back to that. Argh.

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