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2005-12-09 - 7:41 p.m. MY HAPPINESS Almost any parent will agree that one of the greatest things about having children is the guilty pleasure of scaring the holy crap out of them. I have mined hours of gut-busting fun scaring the beans out of the kids. My repertoire of persecutions range from the foolproof "hop out and yell" to the more complex "dress up like a dead guy and lurk outside the window". The goal, of course, is to elicit a sharp, shrill exclamation, best enjoyed in combination with an embarassing, convulsive, involuntary jolt. And just as a fine brandy is a nice finish to a good meal, nothing caps off a hearty laugh at a kid's expense quite like the realization that while you helplessly guffawed, the little cherub overcame the shock, stopped hyperventilating and became wildly, irrationally angry. Here's where you laugh yourself nearly into a stroke, possibly even bursting a blood vessel in your eye. It's a small price to pay for comedy gold... seeing the fruit of your loins trembling and covered with a fine mist of perspiration, their little fingers and facial muscles still jerking involuntarily as the last jolts of adrenalin course through their veins...and you know, for sure, that they're fervently wishing that you would die. Labor, episiotomy, even the ruining of a once-lovely belly are all worth the thrill of seeing every tooth your child possesses as they roll their eyes back into their tiny heads and bellow with horror. On that note...today, I did it again. As my 10 year old son rounded the front of my truck, heading for the front door of our home at the end of the day, I, inexplicably, mean-spiritedly, and quite delightedly blew the horn. It's really loud.  Have kids. If for no other reason than this. free hit counter � � 3 comments so far
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