2008-03-30 - 11:28 a.m.

HOW CAN SOMETHING SO CUTE SMELL SO BAD

Earlier, I made a very nice omelette. It was tasty. So tasty, that I opted not to give my sad-eyed, desperate, snack-whore dog a single bite of it. Abby was appalled and the guilt was crushing. So, it is with much hesitation that I just set out a dish of wet dog food. Everyone deserves a full belly.

Alpo gives Abby dog gas. There are few things in the world worse than dog gas. Abby's brand is almost enough to make Chuck Norris cry, and you know that doesn't happen everyday...if at all. This is terrible for me because Abby's favorite spot is at my feet. In fact, she's there now, and I can literally hear her guts churning. I kid you not, every 15 seconds or so, there is a distinct rumble...the sound of Abigail Crabbopple's dogly stink machine cranking up to manufacture multiple clouds of pure hell.

I shoulda just made her a damn omelette.

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