2007-10-15 - 10:17 p.m.

THE LATE, GREAT PUMPKIN

My folks are on a little trip and I'm their designated mail-getter and mum-waterer. I went by their house yesterday to do my every-other-day tasks and, upon entering their home, discovered a grisly scene. Dear Ole Dad's pumpkin, the one which he had picked from the vine and brought inside a scarce two days before due to suspected critter-nibbling, had gone over. Waaaay over. Despite the air conditioning being on full blast, this pumpkin was rotting full time. A simmering stew of smelly, slimy, fermenting funk found at the end of a long, winding trail of slick, skanky, slightly orange pumpkin pus. Did I mention it was a freaking huge pumpkin? *Huge*. Like, blue-ribbon-at-the-county-fair huge. The aroma was staggering. I was SO STOKED to get to be the one to clean that up. Just when I thought I'd hit the pinnacle of lucky, Mom says, "Mop? Oh, I don't own a mop. I clean my floor on my hands and knees."

Jo-o-o-o-o-o-oy.

While my groceries sat in my truck getting old, I took care of it like Cinderella. Not a single freaking talking mouse nor nary a human-friendly bird came out to help me, either. Louisiana wildlife is so lazy.

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