2009-04-17 - 12:41 p.m.

I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING TODAY...OR YESTERDAY...OR THE DAY BEFORE...

I've been off work all week, from my first job, anyway, which has been pleasant as the kids are out of school this week too, and we've all been able to sleep in and wile away the off time together. I've been rather broke lately, which has put a distinct damper on the wiling, but we've had plenty enough and no one has been aware of or felt the lack of funds except me. Well, add my daughter, who pipes up with "Let's go to Build-A-Bear!" every few hours, only to be told we can't Build-A-Bear right now, so we shouldn't go, because Watch-A-Bear is no fun.

If I were a good person, I'd have gone to the gym all this week even though I'm on vacation. I'd have used this vacation time to move some of the crap out of the garage, and I'd have scrubbed this house floor to ceiling, and I'd have put away the Winter things and brought out the Spring things. I didn't do any of those things. I have done only necessary laundry and dishes, grocery shopping and bill paying, only those things I would normally do if I were working. I've done none of the things I sit and plot about while I'm hard at work at my job, those things you swear to yourself you're going to get on at the Very First Opportunity. Haven't done any of that, and don't plan to.

I've sipped wine, I've sat, I've read, and I've slept. I've contemplated me and my life and why it is what it is. It isn't a bad life, it's a blessed one. I'm happy and we have enough and there isn't any drama to speak of. It's just so...solitary. I wonder why that is.

Maybeeeee......maybe I should move away from here. Maybe that's the answer! Plunge myself into the unknown and make my routine disappear. That's what I need...?

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