2006-05-05 - 12:23 a.m.

VAIN MANAGEMENT

I like the heavy damp of Louisiana night air.

It smells like sweet, wet dirt, with a trace of somethin-blossom in it. I exercised in it tonight and found myself very much enjoying it. Not just the air, but the whole act of being out in it, working my legs until they stung. Me, NOT being sedentary...and enjoying it? MADNESS!

That's really not how I do things.

Then again, I am a bit of a magician when it comes to changing my ways. I have found that, if my incentive is good enough, I can do anything.

I quit biting my nails after nearly 30 years of doing it because I decided I wanted to have pretty hands. Vanity.

I quit smoking after 21 years of tasty, delightful Marlboros because (I didn't want to die, chiefly) I had a dread of impending wrinkles, made faster and more furious in my pale, fair skin by the smokes. Vanity.

I successfully hid the fact that I got fat from my high school classmates. Massive, pulsating vanity.
My 10 year reunion was nearly a year after the birth of my first child, and I'd gotten rather plump. I doggedly dieted, my eyes on the egotistical prize of a great presentation, and I reached the goal in 5 months. I made just the impression I had hoped for, cutting a lovely figure and leaving in my wake not only a devastated old boyfriend, but his twin brother as well. Satisfying indeed.
Then I went home and got fat some more...but vanity remains.

I've now set my sights on en entire decade plus of greatness, or, "as-good-as-I-can-get-it"-ness. Not a temporary fix this time, but a genuine change that will make me proud of myself, three-way-mirror after three-way-mirror. The good news is, knowing how I do things, I KNOW I'll succeed. Because vanity will not allow anything less.

I've got plans to never, ever regret not doing what I know I ought to in order to get the maximum out of my deal.

I also have plans to eat something hideously unhealthy and fried. Just not right now.

I can do ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING
except Krispy Kreme
oh god i want some candy

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