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2017-02-22 - 10:27 a.m.


The year mark passed and I think it helped.

I moved my ring to my other hand, though it's more out of a sense of, "I am now fully a widow" than, "I am ready to mingle"...because I am most certainly not ready to mingle. In fact, I wouldn't mingle if my life depended on it. I don't feel attached anymore, like I did for a long while after Mike died. I don't feel like I'm married to what is left of him, over there inside that hill. I DO still feel very close to him in regard to the love I had for him, and the sweetness he brought to my life. The bad things about him have faded more and more until now, all that really sticks out are the good things, which is how it should be.

I do have moments when I recognize my freedom from what was not good in our marriage. Nothing was ever a complete deal-breaker, but some things would have grown to be problems eventually. His fierce grip on my time, his looseness with money, his judgement of my likes and dislikes...that's all gone. And I'm glad that's all gone. In the future, I'll be aware of those traits should I ever dare to be accompanied again. His love was worth it, but I believe there's a real good reason why God let me fall in love with Mike before I really knew the details of his personality; if I had known to start, we wouldn't never been. Now that I am free of our bond, free of any sort of impression from another, I will be very, very careful not to harsh my own groove, so to speak. I am not trying to be annoyed ever again. If God wants me to be in anyone's company, He'll send a man I can compromise with without losing my sanity. And if He doesn't? So be it. I am good company right by myself, and I have plenty to do.

Speaking of "to do"...there's a lot coming up. The succession is underway and should be completed soon, and that will give me the freedom to start selling the property and preparing for the move to higher ground.
Moving is rumored to be as upsetting and discombobulating as a death or divorce...but I'm not going to allow this to be that way for me. This is a step toward my life being as I would have it, and I would have it in a cooler, higher spot on the map. :)

I'm already transforming my mind, spirit and position on the planet is just another step toward having things as I would like them. I will live where apple orchards exist. That right there is enough to make me happy.

I'm sleeping well, finally. No syrup or pills...not even melatonin. I'm drinking water like a fish. I'm feeding my spirit. I've got my children with me and we are all enjoying our family unit as it was before.

Things are going to be fine.

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