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2016-05-20 - 10:50 p.m. Going...Up? Well.... I've decided I've got to leave. My husband and I built this home, and I put down roots. This was going to be forever. I was happy with that. Life was all set. Then he died. Now nothing is "set". The first few weeks, I swore nothing would pry me away from here. This place is steeped in Michael; it's the land he chose, the land he grew up on, the land he explored as a boy, skipping rocks and shooting squirrels and making campfires...it's the place he lived on all his life. I need him, and wicking him out of the surroundings here has been the best I could do since he left me. But somehow...in just the last just couple of weeks, it has come home to me that that's not a good enough reason to stay here for the rest of my life. I've become aware that what is left on this plane of Michael...is only spirit and memory...and that will go with me wherever I go. So all I had to do was find the place, in the world, that called t me louder than this flat little piece of Michael's past. And that place is North Arkansas. I have made up my mind. I am leaving here. I'm not sure exactly when, but it's happening. I'm going up...up to the trees and the colored leaves. Up where the hills roll and the leaves change and the beauty waits for me. Up where it is as beautiful as it was that day in October when Michael took me up and up to see the blazing color in the trees. I'm going up. My sister wants to go up, too. I'm so glad. She is my person...in a very very small circle of persons. We're going to go together.
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