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2023-09-02 - 9:30 a.m.

Mazel tov. AGAIN.

Last night I dreamed that obf was getting married again. For some inexplicable reason, I was invited to the event which was long, involved and full of different, apparently expensive facets of celebration.There was one large container full of what looked like deep blue and purple roses and mixed among them were rolls of cash, like, several bills rolled into a tight cylinder. I picked one of those up and a kid walked up to me and said, "Those are for the couple." I said "Yes, I know, I'm just looking..." and I was. I wish I'd known I was dreaming so I could have slapped that kid. There was a big dinner going on in a fancy restaurant and everyone was there and I had opportunity to talk to obf's parents; his mother particularly, who was warm and gracious toward me. I could tell she was still fond of me because she remembered when I was 13 in her living room on "chicken on a sword" day. She looked lovely. My impression was that obf did not even realize that I was there among the guests...he was occupied with the goings-on. I didn't know anyone there except for his parents and him, and his brother who is not someone I saw at the time but I knew he was there. There was an enormous pile of apparently locally baked Bundt cakes in packages of two; there were all the flavors and I thought, well I'm at least going to get some of this cake for dad. So I grabbed the super extra dark chocolate fudgy looking ones, and I tucked them away to take to my Pop, the chocolate hound. I remember my feelings being mildly hurt; I guess because the groom was once mine, and we had stayed connected throughout our lives and I kind of expected (early on) that we would someday realign. Irl, I stopped expecting that when I realized how different we are, in the latter 2000s...but there was still a pang when the door closed. Funny, I felt that pang when he married the wife he is, if he has managed to stand by her, married to now. I was married at the time, but I felt it all the same. I imagine he may have felt it when I married my husband. In any case, I felt it in the dream. It wasn't full on regret, nor was it being in love with him... It was just the feeling of a door closing, and an unrealized dream. I know now that that dream would have been the kind that makes you wake up sweating. Ha. But still. I suppose I will always love that guy in some way, despite all.

I remember being blown away most of all by how much money they were obviously spending on this fourth marriage of his, and how everyone was suspending reality in a way to celebrate it as if it were his first. The woman was about 20 years younger than him as well, but he was still cute. And she was lovely.

And also at some point, I had another one of those wedding kids in my car in the passenger side and I was driving and he had just eaten some of those little Bundt cakes, a white one with some sort of heavy white filling and he was suddenly nauseated and his cheeks filled up and I was yelling at him open the door! Don't you dare barf in my car!

Ha. Dreams are ridiculous.

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