2006-07-07 - 11:31 a.m.

EEK!

I am so wound up. I just found myself pacing the control room like The Rainman. Literally. I was rocking from foot to foot and wringing my hands like I just burned the baby. I�m typing like a chimp. I can�t finish a thought. I forget what I�m doing in the middle of it. Horror of all horrors, I�m easy to cry.

And I think all this crap is branching directly from my stupid, irrational, hillbilly fear of flying. Really, how redneck is it to be afraid to fly? I�ve mentioned my upcoming trip to a few people, searching for positive responses and testimonials about how safe and fun it is to fly. Only the �simple folk� are afraid of planes. I�ve learned not to poll them.

I was really scatter-brained yesterday, so much that I couldn�t function well. That�s a frustrating situation to be in when your job is to be a good communicator, very publicly. I did okay on the air, but off, I couldn�t hold a thought to save my life. I did weird things all day. I felt disconnected and it was tiring. I still feel pretty wonky.

Ah, geez. When people venture into the control room, I find myself talking about being nervous. Immediately. To everyone. I�m such a twit. I�m getting on my own nerves, but I can�t seem to stop myself. That means I�m embarrassing myself, and we can�t have that. Embarrassment is even more intolerable than
fear.

Maybe I ought to just start taking those pills right now.

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